those words are so much alike for a reason. i am learning this. i am hating this. maybe it's because the days feel shorter. maybe it's because the fall is always so much busier with work. maybe i'm just a whiney little shit. whatever the reason, i am FAR too busy and it's getting me down. i like to be busy but lately i've had such a want to be busy doing things i want to do not things i have to do. i want to cook, bake, read, walk, have people over, go out, etc etc. when it comes to my spare time (when the baby sleeps) it's all work and no play and it sucks. it's emails, phone calls, accounting, paperwork .. the minute sidney goes to sleep be it nap time or night time. i finish one task and it's on to the next and my list never ends. i know i am ranting and i know that when sidney is older we can go the daycare and he can play with the children and i can get office work done there. one day there will come a day when i do not have to have any of my work at home. i look forward to that day. i'm also well aware that if i have to become floor staff that that day will never come.
i wish david didn't work full time. the .7 was great. just that bit of extra time to keep the house tidy and allow me to get a task completed. at one point we thought he would take a month of parental leave to get caught up on things but he said it wouldn't be a good time for work until the new year and by then, time is up. wish we had planned it better.
on a happier note. i find the bond between mom and baby so amazing. yesterday i went to look at the neighbours house and to make the climb upstairs (no real stairs yet) she needed to take the baby and wait downstairs. he's fine with being handed to less familiar people. but then their dog barked and he cried. my child does not cry in the way that we all imagine crying to be like. it was heartbreaking. yet, when i came back down and was holding him and the dog barked, he barely batted an eyelash. amazing how safe and secure they feel simply being in your arms.
can i fire myself? or would that be quitting?
