it's official

i am the worst blogger on the planet. stuff will happen in my day that i immediately note as blogworthy and then i just never get the time to post it. so, today i was thinking ...

you know those things that you put on your bird feeder poles to keep the squirrels from climbing up? i need those. for my legs!

sidney is fantastic but i sure would like to be able to accomplish something now and again. if you know me well, you know that i like to be busy and am a bit of a workaholic. i come by it naturally and it's just always been that way. i am consistently telling myself that sitting on the floor and playing with sidney is "doing something" and as an educator, i know how valuable this is. at the end of the day however, i cannot convince myself that my day was productive. i go to the daycare 2-3 days per week now and that makes all the difference. he could care less when i come and go all day in and out of my office. he's a social butterfly. i think that's why he drives me so crazy at home. he loves to be with other people ... he doesn't even need to be interacting with them, he just enjoys sharing space with others, especially other children. lucky for me because i actually get to get something done and can feel like an accomplished person. i love every minute i spend with him and truly wish that i didn't feel so guilty for playing and snuggling all day. i think this week has just felt too long .. i was sick, now squid is sick - on top of the four molars he's cutting. he's a trooper though.

he's been so proud of himself lately. he's taking step. he's up to 8 and he's just thrilled with himself. i love it. i always told david i will not "teach" him to do anything. i won't play the sit across the room and have baby walk between us game. i wanted his first steps to be something he was truly ready for in his own time.

cheeky little monkey:

I have a blog?!?

My child is ill. Poor little man. Poor mommy. He followed me around earlier today muttering a pathetic and whiney "mom mom mom mom." It was cute. He winces if I even reach for the kleenex box. He has the nastiest cough now so I'm hoping it's coming to a close.

I am in the process of removing work from my home and am enjoying every moment. It means spending more time at work as I won't have access to everything but I'm looking forward to it. I find it's a steady struggle having it at home. If I do paperwork I feel guilty for not doing housework and I feel frustrated that I cannot take time for myself. If I do housework I feel guilty for not doing paperwork. I don't take walks because I feel like I need to be far more productive than that when Sidney sleeps. And well, to be frank, it's starting to show on my ass! It'll be good. It'll get me into work connecting with my staff. It'll get Sidney into a social environment a bit more often. It'll let home be home.

On a depressing note, I had to calculate what we paid in interest and in principal on our mortgage for my income tax. In 2009 we paid $13,840.59 to interest and $4359.42 to principal. That makes me want to vomit. Seriously! That should be illegal. *BARF*

And, in case you forgot what Sidney looked like ...

a new plan?

i have my sleeping baby back!!! at least for today :)

i decided yesterday i was going to cut out his morning nap .. he's nearing a year and still sleeps a lot. plus, it would make the afternoon nap more consistent and not dependent on when he napped in the morning. sounds simple .. well to get a baby who goes to bed late and is up twice in the night to skip a morning snooze is not simple. so he cat napped in the car on the way to music class and then back again and then napped for 10 minutes all afternoon! by the time david got home i was pulling my hair out. he was MISERABLE!! snotty nose, maybe teething?, and no sleep. so we put him to bed at 7pm. he was up for a drink and snack at 1030 and then slept until 645am :) YAY. today he cat napped on the way to mother goose and then slept from 1230-200. we'll see how tonight goes!

Photos

Hello! Check out some photos of me at 10 months old.

mmmmm spaghetti!

hmmm raspberries ...

my poor neglected blog

i have finished my accounting! well, i still have to print all my reports and do my staff T4s and my WCB and all that jazz but the entries are done and that in and of itself is a huge relief. i will pay very diligent attention in 2010 to ensure that i do not make irreversable errors and have to start all over again.

i'm teaching a course on saturday mornings for a few weeks and so david has squidlet from 9-2. last saturday he took him and madelyn swimming. they all survived. and oh my god, he's so darn cute in his new swim shorts!! i showed up just in time to help get the wee ones dressed. i'll try to get a photo next time!

i am shocked that he's hit the double digits ... 10 months old! that's insanity! it does not feel like it was that long ago already. he'll be one in the wink of an eye. that's nuts. just nuts. he's moving so quick now and being cheeky and fun as always. he has started to stand on his own but only completely by accident. he's also started to dance but poor child has moves like his mom and barely stands a chance. not to say he stood a chance from his dad either. haha i can't even picture david dancing!

off to bed i go. my dear son napped from 5-8pm and then went to bed at 10:30 with david so i'm hoping for a good night sleep but anticipating an early morning.

more later. and not as later as previous.

mommy meltdown

i don't have time to blog but it's in the best interest of my mental health. mr sidney has decided as of late that he will wake shortly after going to bed and turn bedtime into a 2-3 hour affair. no fault of his - he wakes up gassy, has trouble settling back down. i will not let him cry it out. for many reasons but one most relevant at this moment is that crying will make him more gassy so in the end i'd just be screwing myself. i have no issues with him being up, i love the snuggles and like all mothers, it's nice to know i'm needed. but then when he drifts off to dreamland and i sit down at my desk to attempt to accomplish something i'm so tired and exhausted and then comes the mommy meltdown. i think i have one every 3-4 days. i rant to poor david, "when the hell am i ever going to get anything done!!! he's so busy during the day and then he's up all evening and wants only me!" to which david does not respond. which cranks mommy meltdown up a notch. he can't run my business for me, he can't do my accounting for me, he can't seem to do what i ask him to do, and he can't help with sidney because well, that results in crying and as i said already, crying = more gas. but jesus, can't he be supportive! can't he even pretend to be supportive! i told him to quit holding up the wall and go back to his computer. well, that's just what he did. *&^#$!!

just to clarify, i'm not ranting about parenthood - i wouldn't change a thing! - or marriage - although i would change a few things. i'm ranting about business ownership while parenting an infant. it's insane. there are many things i think would make it easier ... if my business wasn't so demanding; if my parents lived in town; if i made time for myself so that i felt less stressed. i can plow my way through but goshdarnit that's not how i want it!!

rant over. accounting commencing.

exhaustion 101

i was fortunate to have an amazing baby who slept so perfectly until he turned 8 months old. he still naps great but he just does not sleep at night. well, he sleeps. and wakes. and sleeps. and wakes. and sleeps. and wakes ... some days are worse than others. he grew an inch between dec 3 and january 5 so that's a whole lot of growing. and add to that 4 teeth and an acquired ability to move about and you have one tired mom! he's always been a gassy guy too so some days he'll wake and squirm and kick and then all morning once we have dragged our sorry asses out of bed, he lets its all rip and takes a three hour nap. but then i'm still left wondering, is it gas or growing pains or teeth even. and then there's this new thing - he rolls over and starts crawling from his bed to mine which makes it awfully hard for him to settle himself back down again. *shakes head* sometimes i wonder if he wants to be a stomach sleeper but because the crawling is still new when he rolls that way he just wants to get up and get moving. who knows. all i know is i'm tired. we're off to grammas really soon (maybe sooner than originally planned!) he toots, poops, and sleeps well at grammas.

good thing he's cute.