Gramma & Grampa are the Best

late night rambling

it's late and i should be in bed but i'm stealing some time to myself. that doesn't exist any more. i'm never alone. i'm always accompanied by a baby monitor and a brain full of the things i need to do. the list that contains those things i want to do is long gone. i do laundry instead of make myself lunch. i shower in 5 minutes and sidney sleeps for 2 hours. i wouldn't trade it for anything. he's amazing.

i was reading back in my posts. insane how quickly time has gone by. and how strange how different my reaction to the whole experience is now. it makes me sick to my stomach that there was even any chance, nevermind an extremely high one, that i wouldn't be experiencing any of this. that his life would have gone on without me. seems impossible. it's made me a better person, a better parent ... i value his life and my own to a degree i wouldn't have been able to reach had my experience been different. i hold on a little tighter, i hug a little longer, i appreciate every little detail a whole lot more.